I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this boner is exhausting
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
