i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
