just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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