Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
