I didn't shave. On purpose
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
