You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
