2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
