i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Randomize
