ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
