i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
