vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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