oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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