handjob tips. give me some.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
