i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How external is "for external use only"?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
