I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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