Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
