at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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