after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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