roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
