Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
