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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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