We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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