She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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