i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You ruined the universe
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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