***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
