The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
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