you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
