Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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