Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
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