so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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