I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
