As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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