last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize