So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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