Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
