he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
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Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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