Will you blow on my dice?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
