We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
