Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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