Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
