I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
