no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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