see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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