I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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