She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
