New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
