i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
