I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think my moral compass just broke
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