Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
