I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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