I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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