if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
