There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
