found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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