My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
