I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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