OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
