Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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