pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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