I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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