a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
