respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
