can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
