She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
