is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
