he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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