two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
