he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
two words: eviction party
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
