You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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