the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
