she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
