I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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