i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
